Pre-wedding jitters

Now that all the fun of shopping is over and your trousseau is in order, you are hit by pangs of what is called pre-wedding jitters. And at such times, aromatherapy and massage is the best remedy for the bride and groom to ease out the stress and tension.

Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy is formed by two words— Aroma means fragrance or smell and therapy means treatment. So Aromatherapy means treatment through fragrance. Aromatherapy is a fast growing therapy in spas and is based on the use of essential oils extracted from plants. Aromatherapy is a healing, potent therapy which affects the mind, body and spirit of the person using it.

Here is a pre-wedding stress kit of essential oils for bride and groom:

Basil

It stimulates the sympathetic nervous system and overall male sexual response. The strong herb aroma suggests its value as an emotionally strengthening oil. It is also a mental stimulant which helps in clearing the head. In Italian, basil translates as ‘kiss me, Nicholas” and is synonymous with love.

Jasmine

Jasmine is undoubtedly the sexiest flower fragrance.  Described as the king of flower oils and the scent of angels, jasmine is renowned as an aphrodisiac and is used in love potions. It is truly the oil to move the heart and soul. It is extensively used for brides as it induces confidence. The aroma is seductive, sweet, floral and lingering. It has been used to decorate the nuptial beds, not just due to its delicate appearance but also because it is a great aphrodisiac and confidence booster. Women in India and especially the brides have always been encouraged to use a lot of jasmine in the first few weeks of their wedding.

Lavender

With its clear light flowery aroma, lavender is used for its calming, soothing and balancing qualities. A highly versatile oil, it is a very popular aroma. It has been the most popular essential oil for centuries. Lavender cleanses both physically and spiritually. It is very relaxing when used sparingly and can over stimulate the system when used in excess.

Sandalwood

The sweet, woody aroma is better for preparing for a spiritual mood and promoting meditative state. Sandalwood has a persistent, sensuous perfume and is one of the oldest known aromas that have been in use for more than 4,000 years. The oil is gentle and sedative and helps self-expression. It is a sensual stimulant.

Clary Sage

Deeply releasing and euphoric, eases depression, inspires optimism and happiness.

Ylang Ylang

A turn-on aroma for both sexes, ylang-ylang is a deep relaxant as well. The name ylang ylang means flower of flowers. In Indonesia, the fragrant flowers of ylang ylang are ceremonially scattered on the beds of newly married couple. This voluptuous oil is a very widely used aphrodisiac.

Massage

Take three table spoons of vegetable oil like almond oil and then mix with 3 to 5 drops of essential oil of your client’s choice and give a gentle and soothing massage that gets the circulation going, releases the stress and improve the texture of skin.

While all massage aims at relieving tension, there are specific techniques that you can use to deal, particularly with stress. The use of pressure points can be very helpful. The aim of your massage should be at loosening, relaxing and stretching, to encourage your clients to let go, even if just a little. To help your clients relax, use a light–hearted approach, (rocking movements work well here).

Facial Massage  

The facial muscle stores a great amount of tension. When there is tension, relaxing the face can bring about an immediate change in mood, and softness in the appearance.

Take a tea spoon of almond oil, add a drop of lavender and give a good massage for 20 minutes. Give a hot compress, and then give a pack like chocolate. Remove after 10 to 15 minutes and give a cold compress.

Head and shoulder

A head and shoulder massage is a must to relieve back pain. When massaging, focus on squeezing and pressing the muscles outward. Using pressure points will also help. The key here is gentleness. Always move in to a stroke slowly, and only increase the pressure once you feel the back is relaxed.

 Massage room atmosphere:

Diffuse rose aroma into your room. Take a bowl, put some water in it. Float rose flowers or petals in it. Light a few floating candles in it. The room needs to be smelling of rose.  Ask your clients to breath in and out very deeply. This will help the stress factor.

Pocket Money Part -I

How much pocket money should you give your children?  It’s important to get it right as the amount you give can be a great way to teach your kids the value of money, saving and spending, while gradually learning responsibility and financial independence.

How much pocket money should you pay? There is no right or wrong answer to this. How much you are prepared to give depends entirely on what you believe is fair, what you want your child to get out of it, and how much you can afford.

When it comes to deciding on pocket money for your child, start by considering what you think is appropriate for their age. Also, think about what else you give your child. If you are happy to buy the majority of things they want or need, you might not want to give them too much pocket money as well. It could also be handy to have a chat with other parents, particularly those of your child’s friends, about how much they give their children. But whatever you do, don’t get sucked into competing with them!

Once you’ve decided an appropriate amount, sit down with your child and discuss it with them. You might like to make an agreement that they will get a ‘rise’ each birthday, or ‘bonuses’ for good work at home or school – this will give them something to look forward to, as well as some incentive to behave!

Tips:

1    Be consistent – if you are going to withhold pocket money for any reason, you will have to do it all the time. Likewise, don’t just cave in if you’re child pesters you for extra money or to buy them something else, or they will never learn.

2    Be clear about whether or not your child can spend their money on whatever they want, or if they have to run it by you first.

3    Make them pay for certain treats out of their own money. This way they will start to see where their money goes, and that it goes quickly!

4    You may like to give them extra cash every now and then so that they can buy presents for friends or family members, or encourage them to use some of their savings to buy or make something small as gifts (remember, it is the thought that counts…)

•Try not to double up on how money is spent. For example, if you buy sweets and treats anyway, encourage your kids to spend their money on something else.

Also let them earn:

Some parents prefer to set chores that need to be done before their child ‘earns’ their pocket money. Again, this is entirely up to you and obviously will partly depend on how old your child is. Rest assured, if your child DOESN’T do their chores and pocket money is withheld… well, even the youngest kids will learn from that quick smart!

Of course, some parents may feel it unnecessary to pay their children for chores that should be done anyway. In this case, perhaps you can divide the chores into things that need to be done (eg. – cleaning their room or helping in the kitchen) and extra chores, they can earn pocket money from (like helping in washing the car).

It’s a good way to show not only the rewards that come from hard work, but also how important it is to contribute at home as part of the family. Making your child “earn” their money will also help them to start appreciating its worth.

The writer is the Principal Financial Planner at EconPenny. Readers may send their queries to dipankar.jakharia@gmail.com Ph: 09854089580

Q1. Dear Maam, I am 15-years-old. My elder sister is 20-years-old. Since childhood, I have noticed that my elder sister is always trying to put me down. She is always cracking jokes at my expense.  She tells people that I am stupid. I try to ignore her comments but it hurts me very much. What should I do? (Name withheld)

Ans- I can understand how you feel, my dear. There are several possibilities as to why your elder sister treats you the way she does. Firstly, it could be because, as your elder sibling she may have always had to take responsibility for you, while you enjoyed the privileges of being the youngest sibling. Maybe she aspires to have qualities like you but doesn’t have and that irritates her. Therefore, she keeps insulting you to make herself feel better. It could be a case of inferiority complex. Your strategy of trying to ignore her is really not working. As you have stated that you are feeling quite hurt. It would be better to confront her about this issue. Don’t go and pick up a fight with her, talk to her openly. Share your feelings of hurt. Maybe she is going through some issues. Things will be clear once you have a frank discussion with her. All the best!

Q2. Dear Maam, I have been facing a problem. I have noticed that people whom I meet seem friendly with me for some time and then stop being friendly with me the next time. Even when I want to build lifelong friendship with someone, it does not work. Is there anything wrong with me? (Name withheld)

Ans- You have to conduct a self-analysis of this problem at hand. Introspect if you treat the people in your life with care and respect. Or do you tend to use them for your own gain? These are issues you need to think over. Simply having a long list of friends is not sufficient. We need to be able to give them time, our adequate concern and also make them feel important in our lives. Are you doing that? How is your behaviour towards your friends? Think over these points at length. You shall get your answer!

Gariasi Dutta is a psychiatric social worker in Down Town Hospitals. Readers may send their concerns to d_gariasi@rediffmail.com or mélange.sentinel@rediffmail.com or call her at 9864055560

David Koch (Lecturer): I personally liked the movie Barfi. It was good and entertaining and had some mature acting by Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra. It was good for the Indian audiences but I don’t think that it will fare well in the Oscars. It lacks originality. Barfi is good as an entertainment package but unfortunately, it doesn’t stand a chance for the Oscars.

Devojeet Borah (mediaperson): The movie was good but it succumbed to the old habit of Indian film makers that is, to copy from other films. Ranbir and Priyanka’s acting was remarkable in the movie, but the movie as a whole lacked originality. Ranbir simply tried to imitate others like Charli Chaplin. Real acting from his side was hardly seen in the film. According to me, Gangs of Wasseypur or Pansingh Tomar was much more deserving.  Some good regional movies on genuine stories are made but they are hardly highlighted. Ekhon Nedekha Hopun was really good.

Rani Kalita (Student): Barfi! I loved it. Ranbir and Priyanka were superb. I hope it wins at the Oscars.

Ankita Deuri (Mediaperson):  I just wish Barfi the best for the Oscars. Barfi was one good movie but I certainly do not think that it deserved the Oscar nomination.  

Ibrahim Lashkar (Doctor): I’m afraid, India has many film lovers but only a few film critics. So, when they find a favourite film, they go all out to celebrate its success rather than looking at it critically. Barfi comes under that category. It was hugely popular among the Indian audiences but it won’t fare well in the international arena. There were much better films than Barfi definitely.

Dinesh (Engineer): Barfi’s nomination as India’s official entry to the Oscars under the category Best Foreign Film was a surprise. Although, I cannot deny that I enjoyed the film, but there were better movies with original content. Films like Paan Singh Tomar, The Dirty Picture, Gangs of Wasseypur 1 and 2, 7 am Arivu, Vennela 11/2 and other regional movies, were much more deserving of the nomination.

Snigdha Saikia (Artist): I loved the movie but I feel Paan Singh Tomar should have been India’s entry for the Oscars. Barfi is not at all original.

Vishal Chetri (Student): Yes, Barfi is a good movie and so I support its nominations to the Oscars.Very few Indian movies have been able to project such handicaps, with such beauty and distinctness.

Sneha Sarma (Student): The movie lacks originality. Many scenes have been copied from other movies. And, when the movie is screened before the international jury, they will only laugh at our lack of originality. So, I think, instead of making a laughing stock of ourselves, it should not have been nominated at all.