Letting go: Kathina Civara Dana through Yashodhara’s eyes

Dr. Ramala Sarma

As Theravada Buddhists across the world observe Kathina Civara Dana Ceremony (robe-offering ceremony) following the three-month rains retreat, an important idea comes to mind: the practice of letting go. Like other Buddhist communities, Buddhists in Assam also celebrate this occasion by offering robes and other daily necessities to monks, alongside other spiritual observances.

Dana or giving is closely connected with one of the three wholesome roots in Buddhism—non-greed or generosity. When we offer something, we willingly part with something we possess. Yet dana is not merely about giving away material things. It also teaches us to release our attachment and cultivate a generous mind.

Although letting go is closely associated with the Buddhist teachings or meditation, it is difficult to say exactly when the Buddha first expressed this idea in these words. It is not certain if it was first uttered or first practised. Perhaps the more important question is whether letting go can be learned only through formal teaching or whether life itself can sometimes teach us this difficult lesson.

Does enduring pain lead one to learn letting go? This brings us to an interesting question: Did Yashodhara, the kshatriya-wife of Siddhartha, practise letting go even before the Buddha’s teachings became widely known?

As the legends go, after attaining enlightenment, the Buddha went to Kapilavastu at the invitation of his father, King Suddhodana. He met his royal family members. His post-enlightenment meeting with Yashodhara is particularly meaningful when we look at the story from her perspective.

Although different legends interpret the situation differently, one may imagine that the Buddha had to prepare himself to meet his wife (!), whom he had left with their newborn son, Rahula, without informing her of his departure. He must have wondered how Yashodhara would react when they met again. What if the old wound resurfaces!

The celebrated Hindi poet Maithili Sharan Gupt expresses her feelings:

Siddhi hetusvamigaye, ye Gaurav ki baat;

Par chorichorigaye, yehibadavyaghat.

…..Maine mukhyausi ko jaana, jo ve man me late….

Sakhi, vemujhsekahkarjaate.

“My lord went away to achieve spiritual fulfilment—that is matter of pride. But that he went away secretly is the greatest pain…I always gave importance to what was in his heart…Dear friend, if only he had told me before leaving!”

Yashodhara’s lament was not simply that her husband had left her. It was that he had not trusted her to share his decision. As a kshatriya woman, she could have prepared her husband for a noble battle and sent him forth willingly. Why, then, did he deprive her of the opportunity to know about his journey?

She might have accepted his departure, but she could not understand why her strength had been doubted.

The traditional account of their reunion offers another interesting moment. The Buddha approached Yashodhara as a Bhikkhu (Bhikshu in Sanskrit, meaning one who lives by begging) and according to the familiar narrative, he asked for alms: Bhikkhamdehi, meaning “Give alms”.

Here, let us pause and imagine the emotional world of the woman standing before him!

Yashodhara offered Rahula, her only son and her closest living bond with the life she had once shared with Siddhartha. Her offering can be interpreted as an extraordinary form of giving. Instead of offering material possessions, she allowed her son to enter the life of his father who had once left them both.

Today we cannot know what the Buddha thought at the moment when he received Rahula as alms. But the incident invites us to ask a deeper question: Did the teacher who taught the world about renunciation encounter another form of letting go through Yashodhara?

Both the Buddha and Yashodhara practised renunciation. But the difference between their renunciations is worth considering. The Buddha chose the moment of his departure and left in search of liberation; Yashodhara had to live with its consequences. The Buddha’s renunciation took him away from family life; hers, as we may interpret, unfolded in the form of letting go within family life.

If the Buddha’s departure becomes the foundational story of Buddhism, Yashodhara’s sacrifices can easily become the footnote to that story. Looking through Yashodhara’s eyes, we may recognize that letting go does not always mean walking away. Sometimes it means remaining, enduring, and finally releasing what we call ‘our dear’, even when the heart continues to ache.

Returning to the Kathina Civara Dana ceremony, Tai Buddhist women in Assam prepare robes to offer to monks. They complete it overnight to preserve the traditional spirit of the ceremony. Their hard work displays devotion, patience, and generosity. Beyond the material gift of robe thus lies something equally meaningful: their time, effort, and care.

Perhaps this is where Yashodhara’s story meets Kathina Dana. The offering of a robe reminds us that giving becomes meaningful when it comes from a willing heart. Yashodhara’s story, in turn, asks us to consider how difficult giving can be when the gift is connected with love, cherished memories, and personal loss.

Kathina invites us to give what we possess but Yashodhara invites us to reflect on what possesses us. While neither lesson suggests the disappearance of love in letting go, they encourage us to understand the difference between loving someone and claiming complete ownership over their life.

As we offer robes and other necessities to monks during this one-month Kathina season, we may also reflect on our attachments, expectations, and ability to honour the choices of others.  Perhaps Yashodhara never intended to teach the world about letting go. Yet her story invites us to imagine that this practice may begin long before we learn to name it. Through the act of giving, Kathina teaches us to loosen our hold on what we possess; through Yashodhara’s story, we are taught to reflect on what we find difficult to release.

(The writer is an Associate Professor, Department of Philosophy, Nagaon University. She can be reached at ramalasarma @gmail.com)