A Prescription to Deal with Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships should be abandoned in the interest of one's sanity and self-worth. Always set some boundaries for yourself and do not permit others to break that limits. Approach yourself with respect. Continuously remember that toxic individuals are extremely manipulative. They will attempt to alter your perspective through certain emotional words, so do whatever it takes but do not answer their calls or texts when you have decided to move on. 

Toxic relationships can cause major mental health issues. We all talk about toxic relationships and toxic people. However it is important to ascertain what exactly a toxic relationship is. Toxic or poisonous relationships are those relationships where one of the partners intentionally (and often strategically) creates turmoil and emotional unrest in the other partner. Toxic relationships are all about emotional and psychological abuse and control and often have huge trust deficits.

Often in a toxic relationship one (or both) partner uses abusive language and tends to be visibly uncompassionate and dismissive of the other partner. Moreover, toxic relationships feel unreliable, often entail physical abuse and invariably the toxic partner is possessive and demonstrates irrational bouts of jealousy. Needless to say a toxic relationship can kill one (who is at the receiving end) from within.

A typical trait of the toxic/harmful partner is that he/she will constantly follow the other partner either virtually or physically. They underlying need is control. In short, toxic relationships imply dysfunctional relationships.

So how do toxic relationships differ from healthy relationships?

In a healthy relationship there is mutual regard and comprehension of each other's need. An individual in a sound relationship will help his/her partner to grow, develop and thrive. Sound relationships are support systems and two people feel secure and happy in the relationship. Toxic relationships are the opposite. It can be very draining to be together in toxic relationships. The toxic partner invariably gets unsettled and jealous with the other person's progress and achievements.

What causes toxicity and unhealthy relationships? Relationships can easily deteriorate into toxic relationships if both the people do not make an honest effort to keep it healthy and mutually beneficial/fulfilling. Ofcourse most toxic relationships happen because one or both the partners have some deep-seated psychological issues. However, sometimes even two otherwise mentally sound people can fall into the trap of toxic relationship patterns.

Here are a few things that can protect your relationship from toxicity.

• Efforts to keep the relationship alive and functional should be made from both sides. If only one partner keeps making all the efforts and adjustments (this can include planning and organising fun activities too) toxicity is bound to creep in.

• Understanding is key to healthy relationships. Never threaten your partner about breaking the relationships. In toxic relationships one (or both) partner frequently threatens to break the relation or to end the connection on trivial grounds. For instance texts and calls going unanswered can be a ground for serious threats. Suspicions and doubts about the other's fidelity are always also present.

• We are all human and make mistakes. And in relationships it is important to acknowledge mistakes and apologise. In toxic relationships people often defend themselves for their wrong doings and can make an issue while insisting that they are right.

Toxic relationships should be abandoned in the interest of one's sanity and self-worth. Always set some boundaries for yourself and do not permit others to break that limits. Approach yourself with respect. Continuously remember that toxic individuals are extremely manipulative. They will attempt to alter your perspective through certain emotional words, so do whatever it takes but do not answer their calls or texts when you have decided to move on.

Most importantly, after the break up give yourself enough time to heal and do not rush into rebound relationships. Always make a conscious attempt to engage in something constructive. Surround yourself with positive people and people that you can confide in. However, if you still face trouble handling your separation you should consult a mental health expert.

By: Shikha Bora

Counselling Psychologist

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