Anger – burning innocence

Kankan Sarmah

(Psychologist Mind Wings, Kankansarmah.p@gmail.com)

Rudra- charming and chocolate guy of his class; indeed the handsome hunk with lots of followers and fans in social media and school too, especially girls. Good looking, athletic physique and is also the best athlete in his school. Academically an average student, but many adore and like him because of his smile and cute face. On the other hand just like the Moon - night beauty with dark spots, Rudra also posses another side- the angry beast. When he becomes angry- busted with anger, spell unconstructive words and sentences, bang hands, throw objects here and there- thus the charming boy turns into a devil. This struggle lasts for 5-10 minutes and then turns to normal. To my knowledge, this is one of the common phenomena or scenarios in our society. Isn't it? Now the question arises, "What is anger and how can it be controlled"?

Many of us lose our jobs, broken relationships, losses in business and sometimes suicidal/killing tendencies are some of the side effects of Anger. We all know about it. Then why we cannot control our Anger? Ask yourself. Probably you may find the answer in this way-

 "Maybe, I am lagging with attitude and skills to cope up with Anger."

 "I don't know how to control it".

 "Never hear about the control measures and ways of Anger management".

Before going for Anger Management, we need to understand, "What is Anger?" Anger is often referred to as a wind that blows out the lamp of the mind. It is a part of Human Psychology- or simply an emotional touch. Being an emotional touch – it is very hard to control. It is healthy when its implications give you some positive results, but the uncontrolled side is always destructive. Every thought has a cycle of its own- similarly, like the thought, the anger has also a cycle-

 Why did it upset you? - Because of the triggering event.

 Triggering event leads to anxiety which manipulates the negative thoughts.

 This thought produces unpleasant emotions: From emotions physical and behavioural changes appear like- crying, redness, sweating, bursting etc.

Let's understand the intensity of anger with a story. There once was a little boy who had a very bad temper. His father decided to hand him a bag of nails and said that every time the boy lost his temper, he had to hammer a nail into the fence. On the first day, the boy hammered 37 nails into that fence. The boy gradually began to control his temper over the next few weeks, and the number of nails he was hammering into the fence slowly decreased.

He discovered it was easier to control his temper than to hammer those nails into the fence. Finally, the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father the news and the father suggested that the boy should now pull out a nail every day he kept his temper under control. Days passed and the young boy was finally able to get rid of all the nails from the fence. Excited, he went to his father and told him about his new achievement. The father was very pleased that he was able to control his temper for so long. He congratulated the son and told him how proud he was of his achievement. The father then told him to observe the fence closely, all the holes specifically. "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

In our life, we do something or say something which cannot be taken back and ultimately the wound cannot be healed. Although we apologize many times the depth of the wound cannot be recovered. The damage is irreversible and the worst thing is that we do it with our loved ones. I remember one beautiful quote, "To err is human, to forgive divine", and yes it is true. We are the most advanced animal on this planet – Homo sapiens (Human Being) and also we do mistakes, with anger at times we say something or behave in a very disgraceful way. It is very disappointing, and the scar remains as a lesion for the rest of our life. So we need to take a pause and reconstruct the thought wisely.

It's only natural that we will have times in the future where we will lose our tempers or be pushed to our limits. However, when we find ourselves in those times of great frustration or anger, we must be sure that whatever we say or do in those moments won't, like the nails hammered in the fence, end up leaving permanent holes in the one's we love and in relationships important to us that we will never be able never to undo. If we alter the word Human being to Being Human, it symbolises the incredible power of belongingness of human beings to this entire Universe. We can use our consciousness to reframe any situation for a better prospect. Although Human makes the error, it also has the power to reconstruct in the form of divinity. When we are in anger the reconstruction of thoughts can be done in the following ways:

 Reframing: Reframing a situation enables us to understand it in a better way. It shows us the path holes and constructive measures to rectify the emotional frame.

 Step-out: Come out from the situation which is a triggering event. Go for a walk, or seat alone without any thought.

 Socialising: Sharing your feeling with other is another helpful tool to lessen your emotional burden. You have a chance to get more inputs for remedial strategies. But be cautious overgrazing is another thing which may have a negative impact.

 Participation in sports and exercise.

 Develop positive habits and routines.

 Talk to an expert.

Sometimes anger is good when you can reframe it, but in most cases, your mouth works faster than your mind. Just remember the best fighter or the warrior in this world is the one who is not angry. Behold your breath, and execute you're being human attitude.