Are you a Single Gay Man or Lesbian Woman Looking for Some Dating Advice?

RAINBOW CORNER

People with exploitive personalities are more efficient at creating confidence and humor, but over time, it tends to decline once the observer realises that the other person is actually quite boisterous. However, a dash of narcissism does make a good impression in the short-term. Goodness is essential, but allowing yourself to be as mysterious and alluring like a vampire will go a long way in consolidating your dating prospects.

Dating, wherein two people meet to know each other (often in an informal public space) and assess their potential for a long term relationship or even a steamy sack session is –well not an easy proposition for most people. After all there are so many reservations and inhibitions in terms of setting up and asking for that first date. The process can be doubly challenging for people who look for non-platonic associations within their own gender.

According to Rittika Banerjee, a counselor based in Kolkata there are some things to remember while dating that might translate to a more easy and joyful experience. "Always remember that straight invasive questions like- So what do you do? Where are you from? Do you come here often? How long have you lived here?-usually have an adverse effect on a date. Apart from being boring predictable clichés these questions can sometimes put the other person on guard (especially if the date is someone relatively unknown). Now in my years of counselling I have often seen that people who do not fall within the purview of 'the mainstream scheme of things' have a tendency to get intimidated faster. Therefore I would say such questions are a big no particularly for same sex dates," she explains.

She suggests, "You like science fiction books? Do you ever wish you were an only child? That's so awesome you like to cook—what is your favorite dish? You lived in Rajasthan in the deserts and that is so amazing. I have always wanted to go- well these might be better questions especially because they can put the person at ease. The bottom line is that listening and responding is key and the conversation should flow organically rather than letting it stifle away into nothingness."

Banerjee reiterates that when same sex people are on a date each of them should exude confidence and comfort about their sexual orientation. "Being apologetic about it or trying to camouflage anything about themselves and their desires can be seriously very damaging and a roadblock in terms of steering the communication ahead," she observes.

Sharing a general dating tip that can benefit gays and lesbians too, a Guwahati based counselor stated on condition of anonymity, "People with exploitive personalities are more efficient at creating confidence and humor, but over time, it tends to decline once the observer realises that the other person is actually quite boisterous. However, a dash of narcissism does make a good impression in the short-term. Goodness is essential, but allowing yourself to be as mysterious and alluring like a vampire will go a long way in consolidating your dating prospects." He adds, "I have observed that Gay men have a tendency to stare at hot looking men and boys in restaurants and cafes. While this is pretty normal it can be tarnishing if he is on a date. The focus clearly and squarely should be on making the date feel special and like the hottest man in the room."

Banerjee agrees. "Staring at a hot man who just walked into the restaurant kills the moment, especially on the first date. The last thing for a man or woman to feel on a date is that his/her potential partner has a roving wondering eye," she says. Dates should be a conscious first (or initial) effort/s towards investing in a relationship and atleast they should look like this.

Sharing some generic dating tips that are sure to benefit same sex couples too, Banerjee says, "Studies have shown that keeping eye contact for at least seven seconds is crucial—no more, no less. Anything more than seven seconds is just creepy if you ask me."

Also never stare at something one might feel insecure about, i.e. a prominent mole, a bald spot or birthmark. It is weird when a gay man or a lesbian woman goes on a date and finds her/his partner only staring at biceps, chest, breasts and crotch. "Be it a person with a straight sexual orientation or a person from the LGBTQ community everyone ultimately desires a connection wherein they are appreciated as a human being," concludes Rittika Banerjee.

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