Know about Parenting Styles

As parents it is also our duty to model kindness to self and others. Something as simple as making yourself a bowl of soup on a rainy day or simply sitting down to paint or read on a not so happy day, paves the way for your little ones to be kind to themselves and practice self care. 

When we talk about different styles of parenting there are several that come to mind. Usually parents tend to incorporate an eclectic mix in their day to day parenting. However, it is always nice to be updated on the different styles of parenting.

Gentle parenting recognises the child as an individual and responds to their needs. British Childcare Expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith, who authored 'The Gentle Parenting Book' put a name to this parenting style. The belief is that gentle parenting helps you build a relationship with your child that is based on their willingness and choices, instead of on your expectations and rules. The three Cs – connection, communication, consistency and of course a good measure of patience form the basic tenets of gentle parenting for me.

Empathy is the most important aspect of gentle parenting and it needs to be a part of everything that you do. As a parent it is helpful to put ourselves in our child's shoes. Most often than not we forget how we used to feel and function as young children. We need to often revisit our childhood (memories) to communicate better with our children. It is also helpful for us as parents if we set age appropriate reasonable boundaries for our children. This way the child is able to fulfill the expectation (at most times) as it is based on his/her capability rather than our wants as parents. Therefore this is a win-win proposition for all.

Certain times due to paucity of time or effort we simply expect our children to follow through our instructions. Queries are met with a 'Just do as I say', 'Because I said so', thus leaving the child with unmet queries and concerns. Gentle parenting advocates setting boundaries with due justification. Isn't it easier when the child is clear as to why she/he needs to do something instead of blindly doing the task? This approach paves the way for perceiving things with logic and is helpful in future adult life too. Sometimes it is also nice to say a 'Yes' to certain things which may be disallowed in the home setting. For instance on a family holiday, rules can be relaxed. This helps to maintain a sense of balance for all concerned.

Many a time, parents feel that unless they raise their voice, nothing gets done around the house. But I would beg to differ. More than our voice I feel it is our choice of vocabulary that is helpful in motivating and encouraging children. Yes I do agree, some days it can get quite difficult to maintain one's composure and not yell to get things done. But it is important to remind ourselves during those moments how we would feel if we were shouted at or coerced to complete our pending work. Well, it surely isn't a very nice feeling for sure. Similarly the little one too would feel the same or maybe worse. The following quote by Jane Nelson author of 'Positive Discipline' really stands out in this context- "Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?"

As I always say, while disciplining your child never blame him/her. Instead focus on the action/behavior. This is a principle of gentle parenting too. Don't humiliate your child or make him/her feel bad about himself/herself. Respecting one another as equal partners in this journey is very essential. Parents who show their child respect are also showing them that it is a choice. A child will grow into adulthood respecting others around them only if they have experienced and observed the same as young children.

As parents it is also our duty to model kindness to self and others. Something as simple as making yourself a bowl of soup on a rainy day or simply sitting down to paint or read on a not so happy day, paves the way for your little ones to be kind to themselves and practice self care.

Last but definitely not the least; do remember that children are miracles and wonders of this world. If we treat them so, they shall grow marvelously for sure.

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