TACKLING TOXIC BEHAVIOUR

"Someone who spreads rumours, misleads people or fabricates dramatic situations might not be aware of the impact of their actions on you or anyone else. A candid discussion can persuade them that their actions are inappropriate."

Everyone is familiar with the individual who makes you feel worse after talking to him or her. Perhaps it is a family member who manipulates you or a co-worker who constantly complains about everything.

These folks are frequently described as toxic. Yet it is critical to remember that this phrase lacks a clear definition and is not based on psychology.

Instead of just referring to someone as "toxic," if you're having trouble working with them, it can be beneficial to identify their harmful habits.

Don't support their reality

Some people have a tendency to always portray themselves as the victim. However, they might put the blame on someone differently or cook up a story to show them in a more favourable light if they make a mistake. You might be tempted to nod and grin to keep your temper in check. Indeed, though it can feel like the safest course of action, doing this might help them regard you as a friend. Although you might differ with them, doing so might make them less likely to try to involve you again.

Avoid being sucked in

It might be tough to deal with someone's toxic behaviour. The person may always have something to say about how others are treated unfairly, or they may even accuse you of doing them wrong or not caring about their needs.

Avoid the impulse to join in their whining or come up with excuses to justify yourself. Instead, say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," and then end the conversation there.

Be mindful of how they make you feel

You can sometimes handle interactions with others more effectively by simply becoming more conscious of how their toxic behaviour affects you.

Many people occasionally speak insensitively or hurtfully. Everyone occasionally has terrible feelings, and being angry can cause you to snap. Not necessarily, but this is harmful.

But consider whether the majority of your relationships are characterised by insults, lies or other forms of verbal or emotional abuse.

Speak with them regarding their actions

Someone who spreads rumours, misleads people or fabricates dramatic situations might not be aware of the impact of their actions on you or anyone else. A candid discussion can persuade them that their actions are inappropriate.

Try to stick to "I statements," which feel less accusatory to the other person, and establish boundaries that are practical for you in order to maintain objectivity.

Prioritise yourself

On the other hand, behaviour can be poisonous without being abusive or vindictive. Other actions could be just as harmful.

Maybe, every time you encounter them, the individual in question "desperately" needs your assistance to get him/her out of a jam.

Even though you may cherish your relationship with this person, don't put your own health in danger by providing support.

Give and take is a key component of healthy relationships.

Show compassion, but avoid attempting to change them.

Individuals are capable of changing, but they must be prepared to put in the necessary effort.

Instead of fully erasing someone from your life, you might want to lend a hand to someone you care about. You can always show kindness and sympathy, but you probably can't make people change.

They must resolve to exert the effort at the end of the day. Your emotional reserves may be further depleted if you attempt to change someone before they are ready.

Say no (and walk away)

Have trouble saying "no" to people? It's not just you.

It might be difficult to maintain a refusal, particularly when someone attempts to shame you into changing your opinion.

Nonetheless, if you do choose to answer "No," don't change your mind. This could be difficult, especially if they act dramatically to get their way. Yet the more you do it, the simpler it gets to say "no" to things you don't feel comfortable with.

Avoid being available

Those who behave toxically often recognise who they can control. When they realise their strategies don't work on you, they might leave.

They might eventually quit attempting to engage if you are never available. This tactic can be especially useful at work, where you are likely to have an abundance of sincere justifications.

When you offer your excuses, you can encounter some passive-aggressive comments or direct accusations. Even if you are angry, try to hold your tongue. Do not forget: It is not about you.

Minimise the amount of time you spend together

Do you dread running into a certain person? Felt tense or worried before? Consider these emotions, an indication that you might wish to see them less often.

Individuals who engage in harmful behaviour frequently prioritise their own needs and desires. They might disregard your feelings or needs and place the blame for any issues they face on you or other people. Spending time with them can be uncomfortable because of this.

Consider reducing the amount of time you spend with someone if they frequently step over your limits or pick fights with you.

When avoiding the person is impossible

You still have options if you are unable to entirely avoid or reduce the amount of time you spend with someone.

Set limitations

Determining what you will and won't tolerate is a necessary step in setting boundaries. Maintain these boundaries and make sure they are understood.

Perhaps you don't mind hearing your co-worker’s spectacular tales, even those that are blatantly made up. Yet, you have a limit for verbal abuse or rumours.

Have a backup plan

You could be concerned that leaving sounds impolite if you're in a bad conversation and can't see a way out, especially if you're speaking to a supervisor.

But you can certainly go in a respectful manner. If it helps, think about creating a few ready-made sentences that you can use when necessary.

Modify your behaviour

Are you constantly interrupted when studying or delayed on your way to work by a family member? Perhaps, one of the co-workers often complains during lunch about how poorly everyone treats them.

You can avoid being drawn into talks you'd prefer to avoid by changing your routine. Consider reading a book, putting on headphones or having lunch somewhere other than the break area.

Family members can be more difficult to avoid. Try addressing the need to concentrate on your schoolwork in a kind but forceful manner. Practice your rapid escape plan if you're about to leave.

Motivate them to seek assistance

It can be challenging to comprehend why people act in destructive ways. However, it could be beneficial to take into account the possibility that they are facing some personal difficulties that are triggering their outbursts. Although it doesn't excuse bad behaviour, this may help explain it.

If you are in a close relationship with someone who engages in toxic behaviour, you might bring up some negative traits and explain how they influence other people (if you feel comfortable doing so). Consult a therapist if necessary

Avoid getting personal

Make it clear how you are not willing to participate.

Grifting, divulging excessive personal information, or using personal information to elicit responses are all examples of toxic conduct. Keep your interactions light and unimportant if you know someone who engages in these activities. Put an end to any snooping or excessive sharing.

Remain composed

You can be perplexed as to how you can maintain composure around the other person when the thought of him/her makes your heart race.