She isn't a wonder woman

Shanta Baruwa Borkotoky

(The writer is based in Mumbai, A B.E. in Electrical Engineering. She has worked in corporate sectors in Bangkok and Mumbai)

I consider myself very fortunate to have been born into a family of two girls, where gender bias was never an issue. My parents never imposed any restrictions upon us for being female and simply expected us to grow up to be good human beings. However, everyone is not as lucky as I am.

Even though every woman, or rather every human being, comes to this world as an empowered entity, with no implicit bias imprinted on itself, societal norms start to act and program it - to function and to behave in a certain manner according to its gender - right after birth!

As a girl grows up, the society starts imposing its restrictions on her behaviour, her movements, her thoughts and everything else; it starts determining the boundaries and setting expectations for her.

This eventually strips the girl of herself worth and turns her into a meek and submissive individual.

The saddest part is that the woman herself comes to believe and accept that she is a weakling - incapable of achieving anything significant in life; she starts considering herself to be inferior, more of a burden to her family and the society - which eventually leads her to live a life of guilt and fear. The situation of the woman in our society is pretty much like the bird which has been kept in a cage for years and whose wings have been clipped - thus making it incapable of flight.

Strange that it might sound, I do appreciate the fact that men and women are not equal, neither are they inferior or superior to each other. I believe they are unique in their own ways; they have their own strengths and weaknesses and they should respect and support each other to bring out the best in each.

Due to biological differences between male and female, a woman may not have as much physical strength as a man, but she may excel in other aspects. Many initiatives are being taken nowadays to change the dismal plight of women in our country. But these are not yielding the desired results probably because they have failed to address certain root causes of the problem.

The woman empowerment programs in our country are focusing on making our women strong and self-reliant - which is definitely praiseworthy. All of us women are thankful for these initiatives.

However, I feel this alone will not suffice. How high would a woman be able to rise in her field if she were to do everything on her own? How far would she go if she has only herself for support? Like everyone else, a woman too needs support to be successful. She's no Wonder-Woman from a superhero movie. She doesn't want to be a Durga with ten hands. She's only human after all!

Have we ever pondered why we see more successful men than women in the society? Have we ever given a thought why a man is able to continue his career unhindered after fatherhood while a woman's career often takes a nosedive after motherhood - even though she might have been a brilliant performer all along? Is it because men are naturally smarter than women? Definitely not. The answer does not lie in the gender difference but it's in the support system.

The man gets the support of his wife which enables him to continue to focus on his job and climb up the career ladder even after becoming a father; undisturbed by the daily demands of household chores and childcare. However, the same is not true for the woman.

Society has programmed her and her husband alike into believing that household work and child care is a woman's job. This belief propels a woman to try to juggle between home and work after becoming a mother, which eventually causes her career to falter.

Even though some women might have managed to break free of this notion, the men are often found to be still stuck in the rut, thus making things difficult for her.

For a woman to be able to function to her full potential at her workplace even after motherhood, she needs help in bringing up her child. Due to lack of support many women are even choosing not to marry or not to have babies these days. Whether she wants to marry or wants to have a kid or not is completely her prerogative. But if a woman is compelled to take such a decision owing to lack of support, it is really unfortunate! If a man can enjoy fatherhood as well as a successful career, why can't a woman? Why can't she have the best of both worlds the same as a man? Why is she forced to make a choice?

It's high time society changed its mindset and accepts as well as promotes the fact that household work and childcare is a shared responsibility of both husband and wife.

It would be a positive trend to see big corporations investing in setting up good, trustworthy and affordable daycare centres - so that the parents may focus on work without having to worry about the safety and well being of their kids.

In the absence of specific guidelines and regulations, the so-called daycares which are mushrooming in our country have resulted in unevenness of standards of care which is a cause for concern. Citizens as well as the administration must work together to ensure basic standard and quality of the day cares.

Society cannot be complacent playing the role of just a cheerleader - telling the girls to grow and be self-sufficient. It must play an active, participatory role in making this world a more conducive place for the growth and progress of our girls and become the wind beneath their wings!

Finally, before winding up I would like to say that just because I advocate women's rights does not mean that I hate men. I really appreciate and acknowledge the contribution of those men who have been walking alongside us and without whose understanding and support, we women cannot get the life that we deserve.