The old school love...lost somewhere?

Rajashree Das

(The writer is from Gauhati University. She can be reached at ruchadas98@gmail.com)

Love. Romance. Courtship. Etiquette. Manners. What are these foreign concepts, that appear to only be found in dusty pages of historical literature?

We seem to have lost sight of what it takes to create real, solid, healthy relationships – and I believe that those who value them may be feeling the pain.

Thanks to a disposable dating culture and too materialistic oriented mindset that makes us require an up-gradation with passing time for our boyfriend or girlfriend as if it's a subsequent iPhone.

Dating has become an aimless venture just to pass the time rather than a purposeful journey with an actual goal. What are these foreign concepts, that appear to only be found in dusty pages of historical literature?

The real question is, why do we rarely find old school love stories like that of our parents and grandparents in today's time? How did the past generations simply do things so differently?

 The real question is, why do we rarely find old school love stories like that of our parents and grandparents in today's time?

The standards you set for what you'll (or won't) accept being in a relationship are perhaps the foremost important aspect of getting what you would like. These are things that we frequently develop overtime after coming across negative experiences, but teach and prepare us for a positive experience.

If you haven't yet expressed what you want or not in a relationship, talk about it with your partner may be little by little.

It's easy to slide into a pattern of listening to whoever pays attention to you and reciprocate, without deciding whether or not they're meant for you.

You are not obligated to offer anyone some time, attention, heart, or body. Stop giving this stuff to people if they don't deserve them.

 Old-fashioned love is about fixing things

Let's be honest – the idea of dating has now been left into 'Netflix n' Chill' and 'Hello, want to hang out? Old-fashioned love is about fixing things. The possibility of genuinely fixing time and energy to court a woman has completely evaporated in someplace.

What number of men put on efforts to go for long walks with his or their partner, isn't such things disappointingly rare?

Men don't know the best approach to appropriately approach a lady or make them feel special, and women too don't have the best clue on how to react when an individual do invest such amounts of energy, because such things are highly rare.

 Old-school style love comes unfiltered.

The image-driven worlds we're living in has trained us to accept which is on the outside...

How distant from the truth that is?

Our general public is so hung up on making a daily existence that shows up great on a superficial level, that we've failed to focus on making one that feels great on the inside. How about we question: Would you rather have somebody who looks incredible in your selfies or somebody who will remain close by and support you when a friend or family member is in a bad state?

My grandma consistently said: "Don't fall for somebody's hair, teeth, or cash – because they will lose every last bit of it. Their great heart will consistently remain.

 Don't fall for somebody's hair, teeth, or cash: To the ladies – we all know, you're independent. We all know, you're independent. You'll pay your bills. You'll buy your drinks. There's a time for a person to respect a woman's independence and a time for him to be a person and work on caring for his family.

Men need not change their priorities for her nor does she need to cut herself off from her family. Everything may remain the same, why change yourself for a new beginning, when you unfiltered is what made her or him fall for you?

People who care about you would like to contribute and add value to your life. They need to make you feel special and important. And most of all, they need to feel this from you reciprocally.

 Old-fashioned love puts down the phone and picks up her hand

When was the last time you sat down without your phone and had a deep, meaningful conversation about your passions? Your dreams. Your aspirations. What drives you? I mean, are aliens real?!

When was the last time you felt that old school sort of love? That youthful, genuine excitement, that comes from actually connecting with a person? In today's virtually intriguing world, we rarely find couples talking to each other in absence of their mobile devices.

 Our communication is like our attraction – on the surface. Perhaps you are doing this because you don't want to disagree or find a conflict with another person. I'd argue that finding conflicts are often an honest thing. It allows you to figure out within a misunderstanding with someone, hears their viewpoint, and join in.

Perhaps you avoid conflict because that'd just be too uncomfortable and take you out of your safe space. Or perhaps you are doing it because you've just forgotten (or not learned) the way to work together to succeed in a standard conclusion. You shouldn't need to argue if you're discussing and sorting out things...

One thing is for sure: Effective communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship. Without your partner knowing your wants, needs, and desires; they'll never be ready to give them to you.

 Old-fashioned love gives a clean slate

We have all been hurt in the past and made decisions we regret. The great news is, though, that each new relationship may be a chance to start again with an individual you've never met before. Each new man or woman may open a new path in life with endless possibilities.

But then you begin to think – you've been hurt, disappointed, lied to, cheated on. It's just easier to assume that everybody goes to be an equivalent, anyway.

Be honest with yourself: once you start dating someone new, are you giving them a good, honest chance to point out to you about who they are? Or are you going into it with preconceived notions that you've fabricated in your mind? Not everyone lies, not everyone cheats, and not everyone will disappoint you. You only got to give them an opportunity.

 Old-fashioned Love pays attention to the small details.

Great relationships aren't about giving and take, but about making effort for the person you're relying on. The type of effort that creates the person you're dating desire she's the Amal to your George. Like he's the Legend to your Teigen. The foremost influential person in your life. Such as you value, love, honour, and respect them.

But the only thing which stands on our path to start seeing someone is the temptation that someone better might come along in the subsequent time and you need to wait...

This type of mindset is what's keeping us from fully committing to every other. That, paired with the ideology that things should be easy and just come our way. We shouldn't need to put all that effort in, because we deserve for it to just…happen. We are nice and kind, and friendly – so we deserve the reward of another person in our life, don't we?

Being in a relationship must be a privilege, not a right. And, it's a privilege both people need to work in to take care of.

 Old-fashioned Love makes you feel safe and secure.

I don't mean just physical safety – but emotional safety. Does one feel completely safe opening up to the person you're dating? Have you ever told them about how your confidence suffers from being bullied as a child? Have you ever told them about how family gatherings are awkward because your aunt cheated on your uncle? How about the very fact that they shouldn't take it personally if you would like to be alone for each day or two?

Do you feel safe being completely naked with them? I don't mean naked – we all know that's easy lately. I mean being mentally and emotionally naked. Completely exposed. This is often what true intimacy is.

If we don't take the time to form the person we're with feeling completely safe and secure with us, then we'll never be ready to form a deep, meaningful bond with the one that they are, at their very core – because we'll never really see him or her, the simplest compliment you'll give someone is that you simply feel safe with them. If you can't sleep soundly beside someone in the dark, nothing else matters.