Understanding Bullying

 Dr. Rijusmita Sarma

(The writer is a counselling psychologist. Can be reached at 8638716076

According to studies, bullying in India is very high, with statistics suggesting it to be 50–60 percent. Also, India, along with the US, shows one of the highest rates of cyberbullying. But if you are not a parent, teacher, administrator, or student who is bullied, why do you need to know about bullying? The answer is that every individual has a role in preventing bullying. Let’s understand it.

What is bullying?

Bullying can be understood in terms of the following characteristics of any behaviour:

1.      Malintent: the intent is to cause pain and distress.

2.      Imbalance of power: there is no equality in transactions between the bully and the one being bullied. The bully is more powerful in terms of physical strength, age, etc.

3.      Repeatedness: often, bullying is seen as repetitive rather than a single encounter.

4.      Distress: the behaviour of the bully causes significant distress.

What are the types of bullying?

· Direct and indirect bullying: direct bullying involves direct contact with the one being bullied. e.g., hitting a classmate. Indirect bullying, on the other hand, doesn’t involve direct contact. For example, framing a classmate by spreading rumours.

· Cyberbullying is bullying that happens online.

· Physical bullying, as the name suggests, involves direct physical contact with the other person.

· Emotional bullying: bullying that intends to cause emotional harm is known as emotional bullying. e.g., saying hurtful things, ignoring a person, and teaming up against one person.

· Sexual bullying: sexual bullying is related to one’s sexuality or gender. For. example, forcing a person to engage in intimate acts, unwanted touching, passing sexual comments, sharing messages with sexual content, etc.

· Verbal bullying: This indicates the use of any language that causes distress to the other person, e.g., threatening, passing derogatory comments, etc.

· Bullying in higher education: often it is believed that bullying stops in high school, but it is also experienced in settings of higher education. They might be in different forms, and the challenges might be different from those experienced in school.

What could the consequences of bullying be?

The consequences of bullying may vary, ranging from short-term effects to long-term effects (affecting the individual up to adulthood). Some short-term effects are: impact on academic performance; increased absence from school; signs of anxiety and depression; social isolation; increased irritability; difficulty in communication; a decrease in confidence, etc.

Some long-term effects are: difficulty in forming trusting and secure relationships with other adults; low self-esteem; depression and anxiety; post-traumatic stress disorder, etc.

Who is mostly bullied?

Children who are considered to be weaker in terms of physical strength, are anxious, quiet, withdrawn, have low self-esteem, and appear vulnerable are often targeted by bullies.

Who mostly bullies?

Children experiencing a difficult mixture of emotions, having unhealthy coping mechanisms, and having a need to feel superior by bringing others down who have been bullied previously have been exposed to violence (directly or indirectly).

What can educators, parents, and other adults do?

· According to Susan Patterson, empathy and kindness can be taught to children from the very beginning. Also, encouraging children to participate in activities that improve social-emotional learning is helpful.

· Creating a sense of community in the environment. It has been found that when children feel connected to their peers, they can take a stand when bullied. Also, children need to be encouraged to stand up when witnessing bullying behaviour. In the class, a safe space can be created for children to express themselves and connect with the rest.

· Identify gateway behaviours. Gateway behaviours are small behaviours that indicate the beginning of a pattern of bullying. For example, eye-rolling, laughing cruelly and encouraging others to laugh, name-calling, ignoring, causing physical harm, etc. If these behaviours are identified early on, bullying can be prevented.

· Using art in the form of literature, drama, and posters to promote anti-bullying messages and encourage pro-social behaviour. The intensity of the effects of bullying also needs to be communicated. Sources of help can also be displayed in different parts of the school.

· Creating awareness among parents, teachers, and other carers about bullying is very important.

· The school needs to create an environment that nurtures healthy relationships and builds a reliable support system.

· It is important to find peaceful solutions to bullying. Bullying a bully or encouraging hate against the bully is not helpful.

· The rules need to be clear instead of ambiguous and easily enforceable.

· Recognising and rewarding positive behaviour can also be helpful by communicating that one doesn’t need to engage in harmful behaviour to gain attention.

· Communication is the key to preventing bullying. Children need to be encouraged to report bullying and seek help from adults around them.

· Identify areas of the school where more incidents of bullying are reported to happen. School staff needs to patrol these areas.

· When a child reports bullying, it is important to listen to them and try to understand the situation in detail. Develop an action plan to prevent bullying and take the necessary steps to stop it.

· Monitoring a child’s online activities. Making them aware of the hazards and teaching them online safety is important.

· Children often model violent behaviour. Hence, as adults, we need to refrain from engaging in violent acts in front of children. 

How can children help themselves and others?

· Sharing with an adult is important. A teacher, parent, or any other reliable carer needs to be approached when bullied.

· Connect with other children and make friends. They might be helpful when you have to be around the bullies, or you can also provide help when needed.

· It is natural to get upset when you are bullied, but that’s what empowers a bully. It needs practice, but you can try not to respond by crying or getting upset. ‘Cool down’ strategies like taking deep breaths, counting up to ten, writing down angry words, and moving away from the place calmly can be helpful.

· Practise assertiveness. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop. Ignore and walk away.

· Do not resort to laughing at or making fun of the bully. This might provoke them. Violence against the bully also often doesn’t help.

· If you find yourself bullying others,

Share your behaviour with someone who will help you figure out the reasons behind it and work on them. Think about how you would feel being bullied by others. And remind yourself to treat others the way you wish to be treated.

You might be encouraged to bully by your so-called friends. But they aren’t your true friends. They just intend to have fun or get their purpose fulfilled through you.

Bullying can be cruel enough to leave its marks not only on the body but also on the mind. It can influence different trajectories of a person’s life, even in adulthood. The most debilitating effect is the one it has on the person’s relationships with themselves and others. But the good news is that bullying can be prevented, and we all have a role to play in this. Long-term and holistic prevention of bullying encompasses helping both the bully and the one being bullied.