The Pain of old age

Harsha Sarma (harshasarma183@gmail.com)

“The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.” — J. W. V. Goethe

Loneliness can emerge as a devastating affliction at any stage of life. However, loneliness in old age eats away at a person slowly, weakening them mentally and emotionally. A recent global survey has revealed that nearly 15–20 per cent of elderly people are compelled to spend their afternoons in solitude. As a result, loneliness in old age has today emerged as a global problem. A person begins to feel lonely when they become disconnected from their loved ones. Some people do not feel lonely even when living alone, provided their mind remains emotionally connected with people they care about. On the other hand, some feel lonely even while living in a crowd if they cannot express their innermost feelings to like-minded individuals.

Loneliness during old age is a deeply emotion-laden reality. At this stage, people become physically weak. Even if they wish to live life according to their own will, age, illness and restrictions imposed by relatives often prevent them from doing so. Differences of opinion with their children, reduced mobility and the gradual loss of contact with familiar people push the elderly into isolation. The absence of regular face-to-face interaction further intensifies this loneliness. Loneliness affects not only the mind but also the body. It can lead to various illnesses such as high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and addiction to intoxicating substances. At times, it may even compel a person to take extreme decisions like suicide. As mental distance from family and society increases, dissatisfaction takes root in the mind, giving rise to psychological problems. This results in a destructive mindset. In old age, even if a person steps outside, few people accompany them; most try to avoid them. Such neglect deeply wounds the elderly, and gradually they themselves begin to distance themselves from others. Since many elderly people are unfamiliar with the use of the internet, they are unable to remain socially connected while staying at home. Surveys show that elderly people in rural areas feel lonelier than those in urban regions.

As a person approaches their eighties, the feeling of loneliness often intensifies. This is because many people lose their life partners at this stage, their lifestyle changes, they can no longer participate actively in social activities, and even while living with family members, their opinions are often ignored. In other words, the environment typically created around an elderly person leads them to feel lonely. When an elderly person does not have a comfortable home or cannot move around easily, negative thoughts arise in their mind, and the spectre of loneliness begins to haunt them. Reduced outdoor activity adversely affects both physical and mental health. Age-related issues such as loss of authority within the household, fear of slipping or falling and lack of control over bowel and bladder functions force people into isolation. Neglect from younger family members, negative portrayals of old age in the media and lack of proper family support further intensify loneliness. In some cases, conflicts with family members also result in isolation during old age. Inability to earn, poverty, lack of emotional support from family and inadequate medical care give rise to depression, which in turn may lead to mental disorders and, in some cases, suicide.

In the modern era, loneliness in old age has emerged as a serious social problem. Three or four decades ago, this issue was rarely discussed because most families had five or six children. Even if some children were employed, they usually worked within the same region or state. As a result, parents felt that their children were always within sight. In almost every household, at least one child stayed back to take care of the parents. Therefore, the dark clouds of loneliness could not engulf their mental horizon. Today, however, most middle-aged couples have only one or two children. After economic liberalization opened new employment opportunities, many young people migrated outside the state or country for work. Due to job pressures, they cannot return home whenever they wish, especially since profit-driven private companies do not pay salaries if work is neglected. Torn between professional obligations and duties toward parents, many experience intense inner conflict. They cannot abandon their jobs, nor can they adequately care for their parents. Consequently, both sides live with psychological distress. In some cases, even when children wish to take their elderly parents with them, many parents are reluctant to leave the homes they had built on their own. And even when they do go, psychological conflicts often arise with sons and daughters-in-law, as elderly parents find it difficult to adjust to their lifestyle, culture, and habits. As a result, they feel lonely even while living with family. Modern sociologists describe this phenomenon as the generational gap.

Loneliness, however, is a curable condition. It can be overcome through inner awareness and empathy. To reduce loneliness in old age, many voluntary organizations have adopted various measures. Old-age homes resembling hostels have been established to accommodate lonely elderly people. There, social counsellors provide mental support, recreational activities are organized and facilities such as phones and internet are made available to encourage interaction. For elderly people living at home, family members can alleviate loneliness simply by spending time with them and engaging in warm conversations. Research has shown that a simple handshake or a gentle smile can bring about extraordinary changes in a lonely person’s life. Regular interaction can significantly reduce the burden of loneliness. When given attention and importance, the elderly realize that they are still needed. In this age of social media, if we can introduce elderly people to digital platforms—even at a basic level—it can help dispel much of their depression. Uploading photos and staying connected with friends through platforms like Facebook can keep their minds refreshed. Taking them occasionally to nearby festivals and social events can naturally reduce their sense of isolation.

We must remember that it is our elders who, having endured countless hardships, paved the path on which we walk today. Therefore, it is our moral responsibility to help them live the remainder of their lives with dignity and respect. If we provide companionship to our ageing parents, our children will learn from that example and stand by us in our own old age. You are never alone. You are eternally connected with everyone.