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MIND OVER MATTER

Q. Madam, I am the only son of my parents. I know they worked very hard in bringing me up and nurturing me. But my father was very strict. I can take care of myself but no one is giving me a chance to be independent. I feel very much frustrated and depressed. I am not allowed to attend any social events with my friends or any local functions. Madam, now I am totally depressed. I want to be free. Please madam, suggest something so that I get temporary relief.
(Name withheld)
Ans: I understand how you must be feeling and I empathize with you. This is a situation you yourself will have to resolve. Try and have a frank discussion with your father with regards to your feelings. If you explain clearly how you feel, your father may understand and remove few of your restrictions. We also have to understand that every parent has the best interest of their child. If that doesn’t work, you could take the help of a family elder with whom your father has cordial relations. In the meantime, it is also important to introspect and see if you have been really behaving and carrying out your activities in a matured manner.
In order to keep relaxed. you could engage in deep breathing exercises, go for a daily walk for half hour or take up some sporting activity. This will help you stay calm and work off your negative feelings. Stay positive!!
Q. Madam, we are writing to you with a lot of tension. We have two young children – a 15 year-old daughter and a 10 year-old son. They are very restless and keep fighting all the time. Both of them are doing fine in studies. However, our daughter feels we prefer her brother over her. Off late, she throws tantrums for no reasons and will cry for very small things. We are concerned with this behavior of hers. Please guide us.
(Name withheld)
Ans: Start by spending quality time alone with your daughter. Keep some time aside when you spend time together with both your two children. Also keep some individual time for both of your children. This way neither shall feel neglected. Give time when your daughter is studying or doing her personal work. This shall make her feel cared for. Never make comparisons between your two children. This can be very harmful. Little bit of sibling rivalry is common and there is nothing unhealthy about it. As long as there is healthy competition.
Q. Dear Madam, I want to share my problem. I am always compared with my siblings all the time by my parents. They are always pulling me up. My parents always scold me for not being able to perform well in results. They often compare me with other sibling which I dislike. Please suggest a way to come out of this.
(Name withheld)
Ans: I do understand how you must feel on being compared with your siblings. What you could do is, talk to your parents about it. Share with them how you really feel on being compared with another. Every individual has his/her own potentialities and capability. Try and figure out your plus points and try nurture them. Secondly if your exams are not to your expectations. Try and find out the reason. Are you putting in your best efforts or whiling away time in self pity, feeling sorry for your state of affairs? Simply wishing will not bring forth change in your life. You got to take charge of your life and then go about bringing change. Finally, what is a charming personality? Do you know? What makes you feel you don’t have a charming personality? Let me give you an assignment, make a list of the qualities you feel are important to have a charming personality. Try and compare how many of them you feel you possess yourself. Then get back to me! All the best!

Ms.Gariasi Dutta, MSW (TISS) is Psychological Counsellor with Down Town Hospital, Guwahati. She can be contacted at 98640-55560 or dutta.gariasi@gmail.com