Mind Over Matter | 22 Jul, 2019

1. Hi Madam! I am a student who has recently passed out class XII examinations (2012) and I now I am under stress very much. I need to tell you that this stress started in my life when on 28th March, 2011 I lost my mother in a car accident. I was very close with my mother during my childhood. After that my father took the responsibility. But I need to say that my father is an alcoholic. The sudden unfortunate death of my mother created a sense of shock and havoc in my mind which effected my studies and I passed out the examinations with only 63% marks, which I think could have been much better, because I got 84% marks in my HSLC examinations. Then Madam I went to a private institute in Punjab for higher studies. But my bad luck didn't stop following me, and within 1 month I needed to come back home due to ill-health. And since then I have been sitting in home. Nowaday's bad dreams like my teachers are insulting me, relatives are laughing at me, etc. comes whenever I sleep. So I couldn't also sleep well. So Madam please help me to solve out this serious problem, which I have been suffering since two years.

Ans: I am extremely sorry for the loss of your mother. I do understand how you must be feeling. A mother is irreplaceable. No one can make up for this loss of yours. With regard to your having to come back from Punjab leaving your studies incomplete, that is in fact an unfortunate incident. Many a times we are unable to adjust to a new place. However I see no reason why you need to sit at home. You can pursue a course of your choice in your home town itself. You needn't simply waste your time at home. Since you are sitting idle unnecessary thoughts are bothering you. This will not stop unless you make yourself busy. Like we all know "An idle mind is a devil's workshop". Anybody who is simply idle doing nothing will be faced with negative thoughts. With regard to your father you could try talking to him to quit drinking. Now a days there are result oriented de-addiction programs available to help give up drinking. It will be upto to him whether he listens to you or not. First and foremost think about your life and plan out your future. I am always around anything you need to discuss. Take care.

1. I keep getting headaches frequently. I have consulted several doctors but everyone says that there is no internal problem. It is mainly tension headache. When I take medicine it is under control. But if I work too much it comes back again.

Ans: Since you are aware of the triggering factor (excessive work), it would be beneficial if you take up a few preventive measures. Definitely medication will help to a large extent. Apart from that you will benefit from taking up some relaxation activities (take up some hobbies of your choice).Further try and organize your work life in a manner that you have ample free time too, at hand after completing your work. At times, we tend to get tense due to poor time management and organization skills. Take a good look at how you are presently managing your work schedule. These factors will help a lot. Further engage in meditation. You will feel much better. All the best!

12. Hello madam, I am studying in class 12. I love one girl from the same class but I am afraid to propose to her. Our exam will start and if I don't propose I won't be stress-free. Madam, she is my friend in this situation do I propose. Please suggest.

Ans: Your duty now is towards your studies. That should be your main priority. Prepare for your exams and appear for your papers. Other issues should take a backseat. Complete your exams. Think about other issues later. Remember life may not give you a second chance.

(Ms. Gariasi Dutta, MSW (TISS) is Psychological Counsellor at downtown hospital, Guwahati. She may be contacted at 98640-55560 or mail at dutta.gariasi@gmail.com)