Mind Over Matter | 5 Mar, 2019

1. My 5-year old daughter throws a lot of tantrums. It gets very difficult to manage her at times. She will sulk for long periods of times and talks rudely with us. Please suggest. It is so upsetting. My husband gets so angry and scolds her. It makes her angrier.

(Name withheld)

Ans: Temper tantrums are a normal part of a child's development as they learn self-control. Temper tantrums are a way for a child to let off 'steam' when upset. Children feel safer showing their feelings to the people they trust, hence they show more tantrums only in front of their parents. A few points you could follow with your daughter.

• Try and distract her with some other topic so that she does not get a chance to throw a tantrum.
• Humour too works at times.
• Gentle touch too works. Hold her, hug her. It may help to calm her down.
• Try to remain calm. If we elders too get angry and scream and shout it makes matters worse. However, it is also important to set some limits as parents.

Temper tantrums are a part of growing up. Though never easy to handle, it requires a loving, caring and consistent management.

1. How is communication important for children? How will it help them to develop? Please suggest what to do.

(Name withheld)

Ans: It is always important to explain things to children. It makes matters clear to them. By expressing emotions and feelings, children will learn that it is okay to do the same. Always encourage them to share to express their feelings. It is healthy for them.

If they are unable to express themselves it may make them feel frustrated. Make sure to discuss family matters with them at their level. Healthy discussion is a key to communication in every family system. A child, who experiences this kind of communication system, will become very confident, and a very good communicator later on.

1. My 10-year old daughter is very shy. Her teachers remark that she is very shy in class. Whenever we visit friends and relatives they too remark the same. Now my daughter refuses to attend social events. She is not keen to attend school too. Please advise.

(Name withheld)

Ans: Firstly, prevent labeling the child as 'shy'. Children who are constantly told that they are shy start thinking that they are the same and avoid changing themselves. Secondly, set an example yourself as parents. Parents who want their children to act more outgoing should themselves act outgoing, whenever possible, in front of the children.

Try and expose your daughter to unfamiliar settings. If they practice this they will be able to overcome their shyness faster. Do reward her for outgoing behavior. Not necessarily material things but praise her a lot. This will serve as a motivating behavior. Accept her behavior no matter what. This will help her feel understood and accepted. Help her develop social skills by exposing her to social situations. Practice makes things easier.