Mind Over Matter

Q. Dear Madam, I am 18 years old and I am in a relationship. We love each other very much. We are planning to get married in the future but the problem is that right now we are studying in an institution. I feel that for me, her academic standard is gradually going down. She always thinks of me. She can’t concentrate on her studies. I want to make her understand to study properly. How should I tell her? Please help me!
(Name withheld)
Ans: This is bound to happen. That is why it is always suggested that at first, one should concentrate on building one’s future career, as once career gets effected things start going downhill. As you are already in a relationship, my suggestion to you would be that you sit your girlfriend down and have a heart to heart chat with her. You need to emphasize to her that presently both of you need to concentrate on your studies and plan out your future life. If you waste time with other activities now, your future life too will get affected. Chalk out a daily study schedule for the both of you and follow it as much as possible. Meet up at leisure time only. All the best!
Q. My 8-year old son is very restless. The other day he beat his sister badly and she got hurt. In school we get complaints from teachers every day. In studies, he is not good at all and fights with all other students. At home also, he is always running and not sitting patiently. He is not interested in anything and always gets bored quickly. I am worried. Please advice.
(Name withheld)
Ans: I have gone through your query. Taking a look at the symptoms described by you with regard to your son, it appears that your son is suffering from ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), (of course thorough clinical assessment is required for a diagnosis to be made). Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is one of the most common childhood disorders and can continue through adolescence and adulthood. It is a neurobehavioural developmental disorder. It requires intervention. It is not going to improve with age or time without intervention. Please seek professional help immediately so that immediate assessment can be done and other problems ruled out. This is best treated with a combination of medication and long term counselling with emphasis on behaviour modification and social skills training.
Q. Madam, currently I am studying in TDC 1st Semester in a Government College. I am residing in my uncle’s house and sometimes I cannot concentrate on my studies because I feel that it’s not my own house. I am not so happy at leaving my mom alone in the village since my father has passed away. My younger brother is studying in the twelve standard; we both are here in town. Thinking about all these, I cannot handle my emotions. Sometimes I do cry a lot. Madam, only few people gets this kind of a life and I consider myself to be the most unlucky earthling. I am confident that I can perform well in my examinations but sometimes these thoughts come to haunt me. What shall I do, madam? Please I want your suggestion. I would be very grateful to madam.
(Name withheld)
Ans: First of all, let me tell you, your mother is very lucky that you think so much about her. Nowadays, that is a rare trait to find. I do share your anguish at the thought of your mother staying all alone by herself. However, if you want to do her proud then I suggest you make yourself as comfortable as possible at your uncle’s place and concentrate on your studies. You have a long way to go. You cannot give up so easily. Consider yourself lucky that you have found a home in your uncle’s place to stay and study. Very few people are as lucky as you to have relatives looking out for them. You should be thankful for them. Make yourself comfortable, mix up with everyone in the house and soon you will be very much at home. Visit your mother during college holidays and give her company. Don’t waste your time in self-pity. If life has given you a challenge, face it. You’ll be successful. Don’t let negative thoughts rule over you. All the best!

Ms.Gariasi Dutta, MSW (TISS) is Psychological Counsellor with Down Town Hospital, Guwahati. She can be contacted at 98640-55560 or