Kalpana Bora
(kalpana.bora@gmail.com)
Who can forget the bru-tal, inhuman, barbaric murder of Shraddha Walker in 2022 by her live-in partner in Delhi? She had been a victim of verbal, financial and physical abuse. It once again drew the attention of Bharatiya society to the vulnerabilities, insecurities, instabilities, violations and meaningless direction in life faced by individuals in such relationships. A live-in relationship refers to an arrangement where two individuals live together as a couple without getting married.
The family system has been facing a lot of stress in the USA and some other western countries. Broken families and fatherless children not getting traditional parenting blessings like love, care and instilling values are bitter realities of life in these countries. There is no family bond that can support these children, be it emotional, mental, financial, spiritual or physical. They are raised lonely and suffer from problems like anxiety, depression, behavioural issues, anger and aggression. They get addicted to drinking and drug abuse. It affects their performance in studies and holistic development. Today, the whole world, including America, is talking about the strong Bharatiya family system. They are looking to us to understand what is still keeping Bharat and Bharatiya families intact, in spite of thousands of years of attack and rule on us by foreign invaders.
However, of late, that strong family system of ours seems to be under attack. Some anti-Bharatiya people want to break us by breaking our families; hence, the younger generation needs to understand and fight against this grave issue. In Bharatiya sanskriti, Vivah Sanskar (marriage) is considered the most auspicious and important of all the 16 sanskars of life – a sacred union of two souls and bodies, with emotional and legal bindings and great social esteem. As per genetics, the daughter carries XX chromosomes, 50% from her father and 50% from her mother. In the next generation, her daughter will have 25% DNA of her mother, and after 7 generations, the DNA of a couple will become 1%, and this is the modern scientific explanation of the bonding of seven Janam of a married couple in Bharat.
The institution of marriage forms the foundation of Dharmic Bharatiya life. Taking seven ‘pheres’ and seven ‘vachan’ with Agni as the witness, the couple commits together to pursue four Purusharths – Dharma, Artha, Kaam and Moksha. Thus, marriage is not just a personal, private affair; it forms the strong foundations of a healthy society and nation. Even in Gandarva Vivah, the commitment and responsibility were the same as in traditional marriages; couples would take vows of marriage to themselves. In Bhagwat Puran, the living together of two adults without Vivah is said to be the beginning of “Kaliyuga”. In the Gita, it is said, If one wants to have a physical relationship, they must marry first.’ This was to ensure the responsibility of the child so born. A shloka of the Gita means – ‘the unwanted children born out of wedlock lead to an unwanted population that causes a hellish life both for the family and for those who destroy the family tradition. The nourishment of children is stopped, and community projects and family welfare activities are devastated. Our ancient scriptures thus place great emphasis on morals and ethical reasoning’.
Why is believing in our roots and following our traditions, culture and values so important? When the whole world was learning to wear clothes and learning about geography, our Rishi-Munis were doing great research solving mysteries of life through Tapasya, and our great scientists like Varahmihir, Bhaskar, and Aryabhatta were discovering great science and mathematics, including “zero”. If our ancient science and knowledge value system are so rich, how can our sanskriti be wrong? We have been following these traditions for thousands of years, and that is why Bharat remains and thrives as a living nation, Bharat. Even if we have some differences or conflicts between husband and wife, we talk and adjust, and our elders would also help in negotiations. The behaviour of the society is judged by the “majoritarian section”, which still belongs to Bharatiyas following a Brahmchari life (having conjugal relations with one partner, the spouse).
Today, the younger generation just wants to live life freely, with no expectations, obligations, or bindings. It is my life; I will live the way I like, with whom I like. It is my space, my money; you don’t ask me any questions, and I won’t ask you any questions. Today I am living with one partner; tomorrow I will live with another partner. But how long? Since a living relationship also supports pre-marital conjugal relations, there are high chances of a child being born. Will such children ever receive the love and respect that children born out of traditional marriage receive from grandparents and other family members? Will society look upon them as conventional offspring? Mental trauma affects such children. There could be custody problems or maintenance problems as the child grows. Though Indian courts have declared such children to be legitimate, who will safeguard their right to live with dignity? Do they have the right to the inheritance of ancestral property? Living-in relationships in Bharat exist in a complex legal and social landscape, leading to exclusion and disapproval from families and communities in general. Such unwed couples face difficulties in rental housing, joint bank accounts, or legal services without proof of marriage. The absence of a specific law governing these relationships leaves several grey areas, such as property rights and financial entitlements.
A live-in relationship is escaping from the committed life of the institution of marriage, and a long-term stable relationship is possible only in the sacred institution of marriage. Some young couples do not want to bear children as well. Would they have got to see this beautiful life had their parents not given birth to them? Just thinking about temporary happiness and pleasure of the self today, and not thinking about its consequences tomorrow, cannot be a wise ideology from the point of view of the constructive progress of civilization.
What if, after living together for a couple of years, some differences come between the live-in partners, and they decide to separate one fine morning? The male counterpart may still be able to get some other partner for him, but is there any certainty that the woman will get another partner for her? Where is the stability and security? How will that woman live the rest of her life? What does she get out of this broken live-in relationship? Loneliness, depression, social unacceptability? However “modern” our society may become, our people still have the social stigma that the woman was in a living-in relationship, and not many males will be ready to accept her. We need someone to stand by our side, a shoulder to cry on. Fear of living life alone will always be haunting. So, women will be the worst sufferers, and they should realise this. Such a life cannot bring happiness, peace of mind, emotional and physical stability, security, substance, or meaning to life! Why should our woman lose the right to live a happy and peaceful life, which she deserves? Materialistic and physical happiness is only temporary. So, our girls and women should ask this question: at the end of the day, what will make me really happy? What matters most to me – temporary, short-term pleasure or long-term happiness, stability, security and peace in life? Life is so precious and beautiful, and we Bharatiya women are so capable and talented; why should we let the fruitful years of youth be engulfed by live-in relationships?
Corrections to society have to come from within itself. Not everything can be enforced by law or judiciary. It is the duty and responsibility of society to carry the values, morality and character. Our people need to understand that cohabitation in a live-in relationship is morally and socially unacceptable and will annihilate the robust social fabric of Bharatiya society. Our strong family system is our strength, which has saved Bharat for ages. It is the time that our girls and youth will recognise the adverse effects of this relationship and will come back to our roots, our age-old traditions, and our belief in the institution of marriage, as they are the worst victims of this arrangement of Western culture. So, our younger generation will have to fulfil their duty, taking responsibility to protect and enrich Bharatiya traditions, values and family system, as they are the basis of a happy, graceful and peaceful life. Remember – “Not all that glitters is gold!”