Harsha Mohan Sarma
(harshasarma183@gmail.com)
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open. — George Bernard Shaw
In today’s modern world, people have started looking at life from new perspectives. Attitudes toward every aspect of life and action are gradually changing. In this complex contemporary environment, numerous questions are emerging in people’s minds. A detailed study of these issues sometimes benefits us and, at other times, makes us anxious. Recently, a much-discussed topic among conscious individuals is “sleep divorce”, which refers to married couples choosing to sleep separately. The term has become popular in English as “sleep divorce”. A recent study by the global health tech organisation ResMed, conducted for the fifth time in 2025, revealed alarming statistics regarding sleep divorce. Conducted among approximately 30,000 people worldwide, the study found that the number of couples opting for separate sleeping arrangements is steadily increasing. Surprisingly, in India, 78% of couples were found to sleep separately. The rate is 67% in China and 65% in South Korea. In the USA, the number has increased from 29%, and in England, it has risen from 12% to nearly 30%. Although awareness regarding the importance of sleep has increased, a conducive environment for quality sleep is still lacking. The study revealed that one out of every four individuals experiences sleep deprivation. This negatively impacts their work and relationships.
Sleep deprivation rates also differ by gender—women suffer more than men. Men lose an average of 3.83 nights of sleep per week, while women lose around 4.13 nights. About 38% of women report significant sleep loss compared to 29% of men. This is often attributed to hormonal changes during menopause. Among menopausal women, 44% reported poor sleep, while for non-menopausal women the rate was 33%. Women, especially homemakers, go to bed late after completing household chores and wake up early, leaving them with less time to sleep.
The most common cause of sleep divorce is snoring. If one partner snores loudly, the other naturally struggles to sleep, leading them to sleep in separate beds. Other factors include a partner’s habit of tossing and turning, different sleep schedules, disagreements over fan or air conditioner settings, and even different temperature preferences in the bedroom—all of which can lead to sleeping separately. Breathing issues like sleep apnoea also disturb sleep and prompt the need for separate beds. Some couples simply feel more comfortable sleeping alone. Solo sleep allows more freedom of movement and reduces disturbance. If one partner uses gadgets like phones, tablets, or laptops in bed, the light or sound can disrupt the other’s sleep, prompting separate sleeping arrangements. Having children, especially infants, also leads to sleep disruption. Parents often get up in the middle of the night due to a crying child. To cope, they may choose to sleep in different rooms. Additionally, mental stress, pain, anxiety, or depression can impact sleep quality, and to seek peace, couples may sleep separately. Nowadays, extramarital affairs have become like a toxic virus. When relationships deteriorate and partners seek new connections, they often prefer separate sleeping spaces to talk privately on their phones at night.
There are both pros and cons to couples sleeping apart. Among the benefits, separate beds help avoid the issues mentioned earlier, leading to improved sleep quality and mental health. Some couples even feel that this strengthens their relationship, much like how the ends of a compass must separate to bring the tips together. Sleeping separately can offer space for reflection and rejuvenate intimacy. However, long-term sleep divorce can impact emotional closeness. Personal issues may go unspoken, emotional moments may become awkward, and distance may lead to loneliness. Some believe it results in economic loss, as it requires two beds and sometimes even two rooms—an expensive arrangement. Yet, in modern times, where both spouses often work outside the home, quality sleep is crucial to maintaining good health, and sleep divorce becomes a necessity.
Sleep divorce does not equate to marital separation, though some may refer to it as “silent divorce”. Physical and emotional distance can sow the seeds of separation, but sleep divorce is more of a psychological concept. In India, separate sleeping arrangements have long existed due to cultural modesty. Even today, many Indian parents do not sleep in the same bed in front of their children. While a small educated class may advocate for a liberal sexual lifestyle, sexuality in India is still considered sacred and disciplined.
Although surveys suggest that 78% of couples sleep separately, this does not imply that they are emotionally distant or their marriages are unhappy. Even when sleeping apart due to cultural norms, many Indian couples share a deep bond. However, the increasing use of intoxicants has significantly impacted this practice. The smell of alcohol or other substances from a husband’s mouth has forced many wives to separate not just beds but also end marriages. Similarly, substance abuse and reckless behaviour in some women have pushed their husbands to sleep apart. Marriage includes emotions like pride, anger, love, and dislike. All these must be dealt with through mutual understanding. The remedy to avoiding sleep divorce is love, respect, and care between spouses. A parent’s regard for their partner influences the child’s emotional well-being. Mutual understanding, support, and true affection remove the need for sleep divorce. A shared smile on the same bed can brighten the atmosphere at home. One partner’s snoring becomes music to the other’s ears. In the words of poet Himanshu Prasad You stumble, and I feel the pain in my heart.” As someone Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night.”