Mukesh Agrawal
IPS (Retd.)
In the Indian milieu, marriage is considered sacrosanct and permanent.
It is a union for this life. When two individuals from entirely different
backgrounds, upbringings and cultural norms decide to join hands, they step into the institution of marriage with a shared dream of a lifelong, joyful partnership. Nobody walks down the aisle planning for separation or divorce. Instead, they enter this wedding bond armed with a trunk full of dreams and, of course, a few preconceived notions and biases. Yet, as the initial romance meets the friction of daily life, the threshold of patience is tested and the critical journey of adjustment begins.
In recent decades, the concept of marriage has transformed significantly in our society, as a complex web of societal, financial, and legal challenges has altered its dynamics. What was once considered an unshakeable social destiny is now sometimes viewed by the youth as a potential loss of personal freedom and space or a hindrance to their professional ambitions. We at times hear people discuss their hesitations, fears and trust deficit while contemplating getting married.
Few incidents, like the gruesome killings of Raja Raghuvanshi, allegedly by his newlywed wife in Shillong in 2025; the honour killing of Saraswati Maliyan, allegedly by her father and brother in Muzaffarnagar in 2025; or the death of Twisha Sharma in Bhopal recently, are indicators of social ailments revolving around the institution of marriage in India.
In this fast-paced world, making the right call to tie the knot at the appropriate time and as per one's own wishes and choice is slowly becoming the driving force for a smooth conjugal life. We should not be distressed about what others might say if we marry outside our caste, choose a partner who is older than us, or decide to marry after the age of 30. As time passes, human attitudes and thought processes undergo changes affecting the decision-making vis-à-vis marriage.
Beyond a mere contract
Far too often, when adjustments fail, couples drag their intimate lives into the cold corridors of courts. Prolonged trials and systemic challenges often bog down the legal system. Recognizing this rising bitterness, the Supreme Court of India recently delivered a profound observation on the true essence of marriage. The apex court stated that marriage, in its legal and constitutional sense, is more than a simple agreement about individual rights and should be considered more than just a request to restore marital rights. The judiciary sent a clear signal to lower courts across the country: the courts must not allow litigation to prolong a decayed and decomposed marriage, which is a deeply personal and social partnership built on mutual respect, as that would create a foul sociological, psychological and mental hollowness in life.
The Court beautifully defined marriage as a deeply personal and social partnership built on mutual respect, shared expectations, and equal responsibility. It is an intricate arrangement designed for a couple to weave a tapestry of interdependence that demands a continuous balancing of interests. The bench emphasised the interconnectedness of conjugal rights and duties. Rather, they are the structural counterparts to conjugal duties. In a separate but equally practical observation, the Supreme Court acknowledged that minor differences and friction are inherent in married life and may occasionally lead to periods of non-communication between partners.
Shifting dynamics and modern friction
What is causing this unprecedented strain on modern Indian marriages? The reasons are multi-layered, reflecting a society caught between tradition and modern aspirations. There is always a dilemma in choosing between the traditional view of marriage as destiny based on rigid gender roles vs. the modern view of shared partnership based on mutual respect & equity.
One of the most significant and positive drivers of social change is the rise in female literacy and the resultant financial independence of women. This economic empowerment allows women to rightfully break free from toxic, patriarchal structures. Marital discord frequently arises when partners struggle to balance these modern, egalitarian lifestyles with rigid, traditional gender roles. When evolving societal norms collide with older family structures, stress is inevitable.
Factors affecting
Several factors contribute to matrimonial discord in contemporary society. A major cause is the mismatch of expectations arising from exaggerated claims or unrealistic promises made during the matchmaking process, often leading to disappointment and resentment after marriage. Domestic violence remains another significant trigger, fuelled by dowry-related demands, adjustment difficulties, low tolerance levels and a perceived loss of personal space. Financial stress, including disagreements over household expenditure, income allocation and sharing of domestic responsibilities, frequently strains relationships. Excessive interference by extended family members can further hinder couples from developing an independent and stable marital bond.
Communication gaps also play a crucial role, as an inability to express emotions and concerns constructively often results in emotional distancing, mistrust and, at times, infidelity. Substance abuse, particularly alcoholism and drug dependence, continues to be a major cause of domestic violence and marital instability. Marriages involving Non-Resident Indians (NRIs) may face additional challenges arising from cultural differences, isolation and concerns relating to career opportunities and personal autonomy. Mental health issues, compounded by social stigma, lack of understanding or abandonment by a partner, can also place severe stress on marital relationships.
Keys to a harmonious conjugal journey
Nurturing a lasting marital bond in today's fast-paced world does not demand extraordinary feats but consistent daily investments in mutual emotional wellness. The cornerstone of any enduring relationship is mastering open, non-judgemental communication, transforming potential arguments into constructive dialogue. Equally critical is financial transparency through co-creating budgets and aligning savings goals, which eliminates domestic stress.
However, partnership should never mean losing individuality. Respecting personal space for separate hobbies and careers prevents emotional burnout. Similarly, while honouring our social fabric, couples must establish healthy boundaries with extended families to shield their daily decisions from external interference.
Maturity lies in practising radical forgiveness, shedding egos, and dropping the baggage of past grudges. Modern couples can successfully navigate these challenges by adopting structured frameworks such as the "3-3-3 Rule", which balances alone time, couple time, and chores, and the "7-7-7 Rule", which mandates a date every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a vacation every 7 months to keep the connection alive.
A beautiful, comforting habit
With the passing of time, a unique transformation occurs. Your spouse becomes a beautiful, comforting habit. Ironically, you might look past certain flaws in their presence, but you discover yourself completely lost in their absence. There are days when a quiet house leaves you sad simply because there is no one around to argue or share a playful, everyday fight with.
Ultimately, life tends to reduce the size of our social circles. As we age, children grow up and move away to build their own lives, and other extended family members naturally get caught up in their routines. When a true crisis knocks on the door - be it ill health, financial ruin, or emotional grief - the one absolute assurance is that only your life partner will stand by your side and look out for you.
Marriage is not a battlefield of individual rights. It is a shared sanctuary. Protecting it requires dropping the baggage of rigid pride, practising open communication and honouring the Supreme Court's reminder that rights are only as beneficial as the duties we perform toward one another.
(The author is an independent columnist based in Assam and can be reached at amukeships@gmail.com.)