Harsha Mohan Sarma
(harshasarma183@gmail.com)
Parenthood is a journey of growing together, not just raising them. — Unknown
The dynamic flow of time and rapid transformation of society have brought a sweeping wave of change in the human psyche. The concept of parenthood in the digital era has evolved drastically compared to what it was three decades ago. In the 20th century, parenthood meant raising children under strict discipline. From infancy to adolescence, parents would protect and shelter their children like birds covering their chicks under their wings. They would not let them face even the slightest hardship. Parents controlled everything—behaviour, movement, eating, sleeping, dressing, and social conduct. While this discipline did help to keep children well-mannered, it also hindered their self-development and independence. Children had to do everything according to their parents’ wishes. Back then, there was a clear distinction between rural and urban children. Rural children often helped their parents with household chores, farming, or taking care of livestock. They actively participated in tasks such as grazing cattle, fishing, or collecting bamboo and hay. Especially boys worked diligently under their father’s supervision. Parents were more eager to educate their sons than their daughters. The common notion was to marry off daughters early. In contrast, in towns and cities, parents gave equal importance to the education of both sons and daughters. While rural children had a close relationship with nature, urban children were deprived of open natural surroundings. Urban children were more burdened by parental control and pressure to succeed. Urban parents made great efforts to ensure their children’s academic success, whereas rural parents often adopted a more relaxed attitude, allowing their children to manage studies on their own and valuing household and agricultural work more. However, whether in rural or urban areas, the authority of parents was equally strong. No child could act independently without their parents’ permission.
Today, however, in this age of globalisation, keeping children under a constant strict watch can often produce adverse results. In the age of the Internet, children are born into a digital environment. As they grow, their knowledge expands rapidly. Modern children often learn things their parents never knew. Their minds are not confined to their home or local environment—they are influenced by global ideas. From an early age, they develop multidimensional ways of thinking. Because they are constantly exposed to the diversity of life, they learn to see the world with broader perspectives. One thing that modern children particularly dislike is being compared with others. In the past, when parents compared their children to others, children felt embarrassed but seldom protested. The social mindset then believed that only those who excelled in academics were “good children”. A government job was considered the ultimate marker of success, and people in other professions were deemed less capable. But in today’s world, that notion no longer holds. Even if a child is not academically outstanding, they can still build a successful life. Parents and society must accept this change. Today’s children are well aware that beyond academics, numerous career paths are available—sports, music, theatre, design, digital media and many more. The key is skill and computer literacy. Therefore, modern parenthood cannot follow the traditional model. Parents must adapt themselves to their children’s interests, emotions and ways of thinking. Only then can they earn their children’s respect.
Many parents today complain that their children do not listen to them as they grow up, that they live according to their own rules—waking up late, attending school or college irregularly and spending most of their time with mobile phones. The phone has now become their friend, philosopher, and guide. Whether at their study desk, dining table, or while walking on the road—the mobile is always with them. They feel more attached to the content on their phones than to their textbooks. If parents tell them to read books instead of using mobile phones, they become emotional or resistant. During adolescence, many children consider their parents’ advice as interference or even hostility. Their minds are so sensitive to the digital world that excessive parental control may push them toward rebellion or harmful behaviour. Hence, parents today must exercise great caution in disciplining their children.
First and foremost, parents should become their children’s close friends. They must constantly try to understand what’s going on in their child’s mind. Parents should respect what their children like or dislike. Forcing children to adopt their parents’ preferences will yield no positive outcome. Parents should frequently talk about good habits and moral values. When a child makes a mistake, instead of scolding or threatening, parents should sit beside them lovingly, point out the mistake, and help them realise it themselves. Parents should create a homely environment where children feel love, joy and acceptance—one where they sense that their home is safe and secure. The home must feel like a true haven. Children should be able to share all their experiences—good or bad—with their parents without fear. When they feel psychological safety, they begin to view the home as their world and communicate openly. Parenthood does not mean enforcing harsh discipline. True parenthood means nurturing self-confidence in children, strengthening their moral backbone, teaching them to stand independently, and helping them lead a life of peace, happiness, and self-reliance.