A child not eating his/her meals or even not finishing off every morsel on the plate-well this often translates to the greatest failure for Indian parents!
I and my spouse must be the greatest failures as parents as we are blessed with not one but two such children (fussy eaters). When our first born was around 7 months we were introduced to the concept of fussy eating. Trust me it was a huge shock for us as new parents. The struggles of feeding, the fears of nutritional deficiencies and of course the constant advices and comments from near and dear ones around us really took a toll on our self-confidence as parents. I still recall the distress I would experience whenever we had to attend any family events or trips. All the other children would finish off their meals and run off to play. Our child would be sitting with her food and taking over an hour to complete eating. And the constant statements around us -"Oh! My son eats his meal well. My grandchild loves her food"-were endless.
Our anxieties as parents started affecting our child and I recall my firstborn coming up to me one day and asking me "Mamma is there something wrong with me, since I don't enjoy eating as much as my cousins do!". That was a turning point for us as a family. It was not that our child was not eating at all. But definitely she was not meeting society's perception of how much or how quickly a child is expected to eat.
That day we sat down as a family and worked out our own rules for food and meals. As long as the nutritional requirements are adhered to, does it really matter that a child does not have rice every day? Just because it is part of our culture or just because we grew up on a staple of rice, is it necessary for our children to compulsorily eat rice? Not really. Ever since this realisation dawned, there has been a sense of ease in our family and meal times became times to share the events of the day. Yes, there were days when our daughter would say- 'Mamma I am hungry', just when we were getting ready for bedtime or ask for a cookie right after lunch. She needed her own space and time to get a sense of what her body was telling her.
Now at ten she is still a fussy eater (as per societal norms), but she is healthy, perceptive and a very caring person. That is all we need as parents. Whenever we step out for a large family event or trip we have our discussions around food in advance so that she does not get bothered by the comments of elders around her. We have even developed our secret codes/jokes of which elder would be sharing which food tale next!
Our acceptance of her choices has made her much more comfortable around food. She is willing to try variety of foods and is in fact a wonderful baker treating us to her awesome cakes and cookies from time to time.
Before I sign off, I would like to share a few tips for first time parents with fussy eaters. The veterans could also try out.
If your child refuses to eat
Do not
*Get angry or punish
*Feed forcefully
*Engage in reward behaviour
*Threaten or make a scene
What you could do-
*Be calm. It will not harm him/her if one or two meals are skipped
*Introduce different food items to develop his/her interest towards eating
*Offer the child's favourite food items along with the regular meal
The writer can be contacted at dutta.gariasi@gmail.com
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